Strawberry Shots and Plum Filled Plots #3 'Where's the trigger?!' - The Dark Knight Rises Review

"Come at me bro!"

Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight trilogy came to an epic conclusion in this summer's The Dark Knight Rises to mixed reviews from fans. People felt that while the film was good, it was nothing they had not seen before. I wholeheartedly agree.

As a film in itself, it was incredible. The plot was gripping (if a little hard to follow, but then that's Nolan for you), the characters compelling and the drama thrilling. However, it felt like a bit of a re-hash of Dark Knight (#2). The plot, while still good, again had Batman pitted against a super villain, this time Tom Hardy's 'Bane', and his criminal/terrorist gang while they try to carry out their plan to destroy Gotham City. Compare that to Ra's Al Gul in Batman Begins and The Joker in The Dark Knight and the similarities are not hard to spot.

 However, I thought it interesting that Nolan chose Bane as the films main antagonist. In the comics, Bane is a bit of a nobody who is made strong by a mask which filters a chemical known as 'venom' into his blood. With the 'venom' supply, he doubles in size, goes into a rage and basically kicks ass. Think of him as the D.C version of Spider-man's 'Rhino' or X-men's 'Juggernaut.' Slow, a little stupid, easy to outmanoeuvre but strong as all hell. However, in this film, Bane is weaker (still strong enough to punch through brick however...) but much smarter, able to carry out intricate plans/plots/evil schemes. Apparently Nolan chose Bane over fan favourite 'The Riddler' because he saw him as Batman's physical as well as mental equal. Now that's a re-imagining.

Another thing I found interesting about Bane and the film as a whole was that in one scene, the famous panel of Bane breaking Batman's spine in Batman #497 was faithfully recreated. Don't want to give too much away but seeing it in that dark, dingy format was something else!

The only thing comical about Bane was that he sounded as if he was trying to do an impersonation of Ian McKellen as Gandalf or maybe Sean Connery as James Bond. Once I realised this, every time he opened his mouth, it was difficult not to laugh.

Bane aside, the film flowed very well. My only major criticism is that the twist came too late. It happens very suddenly (in the middle of a fight scene actually) but is quickly tied up within about 5 minutes. It needed fleshing out over about half an hour for it's full effect to be felt. Also, I feel that as a fan myself, it hit me harder. General film goers probably wouldn't have grasped the magnitude of the suggestion but because I have spent countless hours reading about it (to my academic detriment I must confess...) I think that the blow was harder for me (and indeed the rest of the die hard fans). 

Also, this film is set 8 years after the end of the second. However, all the characters don't look a day older than when they were last shooting. Understandable, but then don't set the new film so far into the future. Lucius Fox and Alfred should by all rights be well past it if that's the case, bringing Bruce his dinner on a tray while they hobble after it on zimmer frames. However, obviously they still look exactly the same as they did in the last film.

The conclusion however is perfect. Nolan outdid himself with that. No doubt. Again, I won't give anything away but all the loose ends are successfully tied up but there is enough Batman mythology reference to allow for a potential spin-off. All I will say is that the title may not be referring strictly to Bruce Wayne...Ah-haaa...

Anyway, must dash, Alfred is calling. Apparently there's some bright light in the sky in the shape of a cat apparently...no idea what he's on about...

Total rating of 8/10.

Brilliant, one to watch if you've got the time but if not, stick on The Dark Knight and you probably won't have missed much. 

Cheers.

Seed Strainer #2

Something effectively known as the Pinocchio paradox:

If Pinocchio said 'My nose will now grow!', what the hell would happen?

It can't grow if he tells the truth but if it does not grow then he is surely lying? Thus, his nose must grow. However, his nose does not grow if he is telling the truth!

Mind = Blown...

Seed Strainer #1

If, as the scientists say, the Universe and all in it are expanding thanks to the Big Bang, what, may I ask is the Universe expanding into?


   Rather, if you were somehow able to stand on the precipice of the edge of the Universe as it was expanding and stick your arm out into the nothingness that it is supposedly expanding into, what would happen?

Exotic Flavours #1 - The Daffodil (Cheltenham)

   I wouldn't really consider myself a 'foodie'; although I must say, I like to think I know what good food is, where to find it and how to review it. So, with this in mind, it was last night that I first set foot inside (arguably) Cheltenham's finest dining restaurant.


Of course it was for a celebratory meal honouring Sarah (my girlfriend) and her graduation that day (from Birmingham...with a first...I'm telling everyone!) so it was with some trepidation that I entered, garbed in my most finest, fine, finery. 
   The first thing I noted was that the building itself was actually an old cinema complex that was up and running during the 1920's and 30's and the décor itself spoke volumes to this. Old film posters advertising such Marx brothers films as The Cocoanuts and A Night in Casablanca as well as Marilyn Munroe's saucily titled Don't Bother To Knock adorned the walls and the old striped ticket booth, still stands like a friendly sentry to one side of the entrance, hearkening back to the golden age of cinema when Hollywood ruled.  
   
The menu too almost embarrassingly split first and second courses into such categories as 'Screen 1' and 'Curtain Raisers'. However, this only really added to the sophisticated charm. 
   I was mainly excited by the fact that it was 'Martini Monday', between 6 and 8 when you buy a Martini, you get one free so, sidling up to the circle bar in what used to be the upper circle of seats, I was feeling like James Bond. However, just before ordering my vodka Martini (shaken not stirred mind you...) I was directed toward a pre-written list of Martinis that were compatible with 'Martini Monday'. With my ego deflated slightly (but not completely) I ordered the next James Bond sounding thing; a 'French Martini'. 


   I later learned that this was in fact Grey Goose vodka, Chambord, pineapple juice and fresh raspberry to counter balance the dry kick of the vodka and give it a well rounded, sharp tang. 


   When it showed up however, I felt all but cool. Bright pink and frothy (from the shaken juice) I gazed down at the orange love heart sprayed onto the top foam by the bar-man. However, after the first sip, the vodka kicked in and I quickly ceased to care.

Sounds like an exotic disease if
you ask me. "Sorry love I've got
Arabella Sprot. Better get down to
the clinic, pronto..."

   Taking our seats at the bottom of one of two great curving staircases, the music for the evening: the Arabella Sprot Group, began to play. With the lights dimmed slightly and the soft jazz playing in the background, it was much more of a dining experience than I have had in other restaurants. The attitude at the Daffodil was much more relaxed. There seemed to be no rush. Once you were there, it felt as though they expected you for the evening. They wanted you to take your time, something that other restaurants seem nowadays not to do. 


   Food wise, I ordered the 10oz Black Angus rump steak with a choice of three sauces (green peppercorn, a red wine jus and béarnaise sauce) however, I chose the green peppercorn. Served with it were hand cut chips and a stem of lightly roasted cherry tomatoes. 


   Again, the wait was not long but it did not feel rushed. It sounds horribly cliché but it really did feel as if the chef had taken his time to ensure that the food was as perfect as possible before service and it was most certainly that.


   I am not a big meat eater and I rarely eat steak but this was a beautiful piece of steak, perfectly cooked and juicy. It literally fell away and there was little fat on it. I am a man who notoriously avoids fat on meat but as I say, I devoured pretty much everything. It was wonderful. 

Perfectly formed balls...

   The chips themselves were utter wonderment too. Hand cut and gently fried before being lightly dusted in what I can only assume was garlic salt, they melted away as soon as I bit into them. The most incredible chips I have ever eaten (and I like to think myself a connoisseur because I have eaten a LOT of chips in my short time...) without shadow of a doubt.


Dessert followed shortly after and controversially I decided upon their intriguingly titled 'Popcorn Ice-cream Sundae'. With home-made gingerbread coating the bottom of the glass and their very own popcorn (again following the buildings cinematic history) flavoured ice-cream, topped with popcorn and caramel sauce, I greedily tucked in.
   The popcorn ice-cream was strange. The texture and temperature was of normal ice-cream but it had the unmistakable flavour of popcorn. Almost like if someone handed you an enormous, juicy orange; it's sides bursting with crisp, refreshing juice but when you hungrily bit into it, the bright, sweet orange flavour you were expecting dissolved into ash in your mouth and instead all you were tasting was a water biscuit. Possibly topped with a little bit of cheddar cheese...  


Anyway, the 'fireyness' (not strictly a word but we'll pretend it is) of the gingerbread juxtaposed with the creamy, bland (not a bad thing) flavour of the ice-cream was enough to create a pudding that exceeded my expectations. It was much more enjoyable than I had expected.


All in all, the entire place was amazing. Not only was the building itself impressive but the service was swift and was still able to make you feel comfortable enough to relax and enjoy the music without a stressed out waitress named Chardonnay, accidentally dripping sweat into the leek and potato soup and stinking of stale smoke from her last 'king skin' fag break, accidentally dropping an assorted collection of filthy crockery over your bonce in an attempt to get you and your party to leave because 'we have to seat other customers'.


A bit 'P.T. Barnum' in terms of overall presentation. More a show and an experience than somewhere you'd pop into if you had the munchies but I would recommend this to anyone who would be interested in a classy evening out. If they could afford the price that is. Again, not bank-breakingly expensive (for 4 people and a total of 7 dishes plus sides it was roughly £120) but enough that I won't necessarily be popping back in the next few weeks.


I'll need to sell a kidney or liver first...any takers?


Total rating of 5/5.


Cheers.

Strawberry Shots and Plum Filled Plots #2 - 'Spins A Web, Any Size...' The Amazing Spiderman Review

Spidey knew he'd left his bloody contact
 lens somewhere...   

During the aftermath of the overly ambitious puke-stain that was Sam Raimi's 2007 flop Spider-man 3, it was announced that due to 'disagreements' between Raimi and Sony, the Spiderman franchise was to receive a re-boot scheduled for 2012.

   Well dear reader, I went to see this re-boot after a long 4 or 5 years of highly strung anticipation on opening night (is anyone else seeing a pattern here?) and after the huge build up of excitement and after the person sat next to me had to ask me to calm down because I seemed to be vibrating slightly, all I can say is that I was disappointed.

 Highly.

Again, I love Spider-man. The original films, the comics, the TV cartoon series, the whole universe, all of it genius.

However, this new re-boot left me with a feeling akin to when someone promises you a huge piece of chocolate cake but when you open your mouth to bite into the rich, chocolatey bliss, that person instead crams a handful of nachos into your gaping wide squeal-hole...

Not unpleasant but not exactly what we'd been promised.

   The first thing that struck me was that for all the promises of this being a movie focussing more on how Peter Parker dons his spandex and becomes the web-slinger for the first time, it didn't do that much more of a better job than the original 2002 version. The back story is there but it has no real sticking power. Peter seems very quick to accept his powers and seems immediately set on leaping around New York in brightly coloured pants, saving the cities fair citizens.

   Also, after the death of Uncle Ben, Peter is seen briefly crying at school but then the plot moves swiftly on. The death of his Uncle, the man who raised him in the absence of his real parents is barely mentioned again and Peter's desire to find his Uncle's killer seems to shrink into nothing as the ball eventually gets rolling into the main plot.

   However, in the re-boot vain, this film sticks more to the comics in that Peter designs his own web shooters; an aspect that was slated by fans in Raimi's adaptation. However, this played no real part in the film and did nothing to add to our opinions of Peter or the drama of the story. In fact, he doesn't even make the webbing himself but instead orders it in batches directly from Oscorp (possible sequel there?). It wasn't a problem necessarily but I felt the action could have been improved ten-fold had he suddenly run out of web fluid and needed to refill his web shooter as he frequently does in the comics.

Also, Rhys Ifans is here as famous Spidey villian The Lizard. However, the overall design of the Lizard doesn't feel like the Lizard that appears so much in the literature. Although Ifans plays the 'Jekyll and Hyde' mad scientist 'Curt Connors' very well here, he doesn't look or feel like anything really reptilian. He looks like a man made to look a bit like a lizard with some cheap C.G.I. There's no signature snout or torn lab coat. May I ask why? Why change what all the fans grew up with? What is the gain?

   Wow this makes it sound like I'm really slamming it...

It really wasn't bad. But then that's just it isn't it?

   It wasn't bad...but it wasn't great either. 

   I love Spidey and any kind of action movie but I have to say, I was mildly entertained at best. For an exciting re-boot and re-imagining, it didn't grab me as much as I had longed it to (and indeed as it had promised to).

 I wanted it to enthrall me and take me away to the Caribbean for a saucy weekend of love. I wanted to come home and find it lying naked on a pool table covered in beer and Skittles.

    However it felt more like an errant child who had brought a drawing home from school done in macaroni and glitter glue. It's crap, but you know you have to put it on the fridge in order to appease it. It felt like it was constantly trying to please but never seemed to be able to successfully do so. 

   It could have been so dark. It needed a 'bat-man, Christopher Nolan-esque' re-boot. Not a Marc Web 'I've-only-directed-one-other-film-that-wasn't-remotely-action-oriented-and-it-was-shite-anyway...' re-boot. It needed someone like Danny Boyle or Gore Verbinski who understands the gothic architecture of New York and the slightly frightening side of Spidey himself. 

   Having said that, it was nice to see a slightly more Ultimate Spider-man take on the character. Where Toby Maguire's Spidey was fairly stocky and built, Andrew Garfield's Spidey is tall and spindly, gangly where Maguire is thick and actually fairly amusing where Maguire is cringe-worthy in his humour.

   All in all it wasn't bad but it had so much potential that was never explored. It was a very safe film. The plot is predictable and weak; it didn't really excite enough. I didn't get the impression that people sweated over the plot too much. It just sort of came together and they stuck in on the script and sent it out. It could easily have been the plot to another film. Bio-chemical threat in the last twenty minutes but everything is cleverly sorted by the hero just in the nick of time. No real effort, no real planning or direction, just apply a template from another film and pretend no one has seen anything like it before.

   All in all, it was okay. Not bad at all and worth a watch if you've got some free time but this is not the Spider-man that I had been waiting for.

Total rating of 3/5 I reckon.

   Anyway I must run, some giant Lizard just crawled out of my toilet and is currently shedding it's skin on my living room floor... Oh for goodness' snake...

Rob out.