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| Spidey knew he'd left his bloody contact lens somewhere... |
During the aftermath of the overly ambitious
puke-stain that was Sam Raimi's 2007 flop Spider-man 3, it was
announced that due to 'disagreements' between Raimi and Sony, the Spiderman franchise
was to receive a re-boot scheduled for 2012.
Well dear reader, I went to see this re-boot after
a long 4
or 5 years of highly strung anticipation on opening night (is anyone else
seeing a pattern here?) and after the huge build up of excitement and after the
person sat next to me had to ask me to calm down because I seemed to be
vibrating slightly, all I can say is that I was disappointed.
Highly.
Again, I love Spider-man.
The original films, the comics, the TV cartoon series, the whole universe, all
of it genius.
However, this new re-boot left me with a feeling
akin to when someone promises you a huge piece of chocolate cake but when you
open your mouth to bite into the rich, chocolatey bliss, that person
instead crams a handful of nachos into your gaping
wide squeal-hole...
Not unpleasant but not exactly what we'd been
promised.
The first thing that struck me was that for all the
promises of this being a movie focussing more on how Peter Parker dons his
spandex and becomes the web-slinger for the first time, it didn't do that much
more of a better job than the original 2002 version. The back story is there
but it has no real sticking power. Peter seems very quick to accept his powers
and seems immediately set on leaping around New York in brightly coloured
pants, saving the cities fair citizens.
Also, after the death of Uncle Ben, Peter is seen
briefly crying at school but then the plot moves swiftly on. The death of his
Uncle, the man who raised him in the absence of his real parents is barely
mentioned again and Peter's desire to find his Uncle's killer seems to shrink
into nothing as the ball eventually gets
rolling into the main plot.
However, in the re-boot vain, this film sticks more
to the comics in that Peter designs his own web shooters; an aspect that was
slated by fans in Raimi's adaptation. However, this played no real part in the
film and did nothing to add to our opinions of Peter or the drama of the story.
In fact, he doesn't even make the webbing himself but instead orders it in
batches directly from Oscorp (possible sequel there?). It wasn't a
problem necessarily but I felt the action could have been improved
ten-fold had he suddenly run out of web fluid and needed to refill his web
shooter as he frequently does in the comics.
Also, Rhys Ifans is here as famous Spidey villian
The Lizard. However, the overall design of the Lizard doesn't feel like the
Lizard that appears so much in the literature. Although Ifans plays the 'Jekyll
and Hyde' mad scientist 'Curt Connors' very well here, he doesn't look or feel
like anything really reptilian. He looks like a man made to look a bit like a
lizard with some cheap C.G.I. There's no signature snout or torn lab
coat. May I ask why? Why change what all the fans grew up with? What is the
gain?
Wow this makes it sound like I'm really slamming
it...
It really wasn't bad. But then that's just it isn't
it?
It wasn't bad...but it wasn't great
either.
I love Spidey and any kind of action movie but I
have to say, I was mildly entertained at best. For an exciting re-boot and
re-imagining, it didn't grab me as much as I had longed it to (and indeed as it
had promised to).
I wanted it to enthrall me and take
me away to the Caribbean for a saucy weekend of love. I wanted to come home and
find it lying naked on a pool table covered in beer and Skittles.
However it felt more like an errant
child who had brought a drawing home from school done in macaroni and
glitter glue. It's crap, but you know you have to put it on the fridge in order
to appease it. It felt like it was constantly trying to please but never seemed
to be able to successfully do so.
It could have been so dark. It needed
a 'bat-man, Christopher Nolan-esque' re-boot. Not a Marc Web
'I've-only-directed-one-other-film-that-wasn't-remotely-action-oriented-and-it-was-shite-anyway...'
re-boot. It needed someone like Danny Boyle or Gore Verbinski who
understands the gothic architecture of New York and the slightly
frightening side of Spidey himself.
Having said that, it was nice to see a
slightly more Ultimate Spider-man take
on the character. Where Toby Maguire's Spidey was fairly stocky and built,
Andrew Garfield's Spidey is tall and spindly, gangly where Maguire is thick and
actually fairly amusing where Maguire is cringe-worthy in his humour.
All in all it wasn't bad but it had so much
potential that was never explored. It was a very safe film. The plot is
predictable and weak; it didn't really excite enough. I didn't get the
impression that people sweated over the plot too much. It just sort of came
together and they stuck in on the script and sent it out. It could easily have
been the plot to another film. Bio-chemical threat in the last twenty minutes
but everything is cleverly sorted by the hero just in the nick of time. No real
effort, no real planning or direction, just apply a template from another film
and pretend no one has seen anything like it before.
All in all, it was okay. Not bad at all and worth a
watch if you've got some free time but this is not the Spider-man that I had been
waiting for.
Total rating of 3/5 I reckon.
Anyway I must run, some giant Lizard just crawled
out of my toilet and is currently shedding it's skin on my living room floor...
Oh for goodness' snake...
Rob out.
Ooh you're harsh. But I still love you xx
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