Strawberry Shots and Plum Filled Plots #1 The Avengers Assemble

   I have been a comic geek for pretty much my whole life. I have always been a supporter of Marvel comics and must admit, I have well over a hundred Spider-Man comics stashed safely away under my bed, each in a special comic book wallet thing to prevent them from aging.

   As much as this makes me sound like an insane Miss.Havisham-esque social castaway, I have no shame in declaring my love for all things superhero (so long as it has nothing to do with Superman...ugh.)

   So, in 2008 after seeing the first Iron Man movie, I sat and waited as the last of the credits had faded to black and 'the Avengers initiative' was hinted at. I was so excited.

   So, walking into the theatre last night and taking my seat to watch Avengers Assemble on opening night, I reflected that I had been waiting to see this film for just under 5 years and it did not disappoint.

   The thing that really made it watchable was the continuity of character. Robert Downey Jr was back as multimillionaire playboy Iron Man, Chris Evans as super soldier Captain America, Chris Hemsworth and the God of thunder: Thor, Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury (the role he was born for) and even Scarlett Johansson as The Black Widow.

   However, even minor characters from the other 'Avengers universe' films were present such as Jeremy Renner as Hawkeye (he had a cameo in Thor), Gwyneth Paltrows chest thumpingly pretty Pepper Potts and even Greg Clark as S.H.E.I.L.D agent Phil Coulson.

   The only issue with casting that made itself very clear was the lack of Ed Norton's Incredible Hulk.
Instead, the Avengers Assemble Hulk / Bruce Banner is played by Mark Ruffalo, a role he plays very well and is a believable, torn identity, 'you won't like me when I'm angry' Hulk. Not a big criticism but you get the feeling watching it that if Ed Norton had instead not demanded an outrageously high fee from Marvel to reprise his role, the whole film would have felt much more tightly knit, with all the story lines closely interwoven.
   As it is, with Ruffalo in Nortons place, it feels almost like a string of the Marvel universe that hasn't properly been explored.

The attention given to each character was also something that I was concerned about. If you have a total of six Avengers (Cpt.America, Iron Man, The Hulk, Thor, The Black Widow and Hawk-Eye), plus bad guys and secondary roles, how would Whedon be able to focus enough attention on plot, characterisation and development, and still cram in action and drama without drawing focus to one in particular?
However, again, he did not disappoint. All the heroes were given equal screen time with a humorous relationship growing between Thor and Hulk and a slightly frosty but eventually heat warming one between Captain America and Iron Man.

Actually, watching it, I found the attitude of Captain America to be slightly at odds with the situation he finds himself in. As far as he knows, he was frozen alive at the end of World War Two and when he comes to, 70 years later, he's jumping around and fighting alien invaders without a care in the world. Seems a little odd. If I was in his position (and God willing, one day I will be), grabbing my shield, donning my cowl and jumping over cars and the like, bouncing aliens off buildings that didn't exist in my time and dodging weapon blasts that could potentially disintegrate me instantaneously, I don't think I'd be as hunky-dory about it all as he seems to be. But maybe this is just me being picky. Maybe you'd just get on with it. I suppose that was the WWII attitude anyway...

Other than this minor criticism, the rest of the film was mind blowing. Joss Whedon has a number of classic films under his belt already including Toy Story, Alien Resurrection as well as Captain America and Thor so with him at the helm, I felt as a fan, my expectations would not be misplaced.

The plot follows a group of superheroes called 'The Avengers: Earths Mightiest Heroes' (obviously) who are banded together by secret government organisation S.H.I.E.L.D in order to repel the attacks of demi-god Loki, who is interestingly enough the half-brother of the 'Avenger' Thor. This, you'd think, would allow for some interesting ideas on shifting loyalty on the part of Thor but this never really comes to fruition and Thor seems just as happy to lay the smack down on Loki's pointed helmet just as much as the rest of his team. Maybe this is for the best. I mean at the end of the day, it's a superhero movie! We don't want to see gushy exchanges between two demi-god brothers, we want to see them beat the shit out of each other and beat the shit out of each other they do!
 
Anyway, I won't give too much away as I know many of you won't have seen it yet and if anyone is reading this across the pond in America, I understand it's not due to be seen for another week or so yet.
However, I will say that the 'tesseract', an artifact featured in both Thor and Captain America (and I think hinted at in Iron Man 2?) is essentially what both the Avengers and Loki and his army are warring over.

As a comic geek, the other thing that I worried about was dedication to source material. Again though, Whedon included just enough to keep the fan boys (like me) happy without alienating the general public.

The fact that in one scene, the Hulk attempts to lift Thor's hammer but can't, drew a smile as I remembered 'No-one may use Thor's hammer 'Mjölnir' apart from Thor himself.' 

Also, in one of the final scenes, a shot of the partly destroyed Stark tower is shown with only the 'a' remaining; a reference to the Avengers base at Stark Tower possibly? Almost certainly says I.

If you are a fan boy and haven't seen this yet, I will say this: STAY UNTIL AFTER THE INITIAL CREDITS! If you're not a geek, it hints at a possible second movie. If you are a fan, you will be quivering with ecstatic excitement as you shuffle limply out of the screen...

In conclusion, whether fan-boy or just curious to see what the fuss is about, go and see it. 

This was the best film I've seen in a long old while and no doubt it will certainly top the box offices worldwide.

Go see it. Now!

I'd give it a total 'rant rating' of 9/10. 

Right, I'll be off now I think. Just got an e-mail from someone called Tony Stark...something about getting me a suit? Hmmm...

Avengers Assemble!

Rant-Man out.

Chutneys and Oddities #3 Cat

I thought that today as a bit of a change and to prove that in fact I am not a constantly blazing ragaholic who is forever trying to bitch slap life into submission, I would take some time to mention a few of the better things in life. Of course I am talking about the people in my life.

Hopefully amongst all of my nonsensical ramblings, this will provide a background of relief for now is the time for one of my more chilled mentions of some of my closest amigos.

I thought I'd begin with one of my closest friends, Miss. Cat Mitchell, musician and fellow blogger of 'Cat Chat'.

Honestly, if you enjoy ranting and raving, check out her blog too. It's very like mine in the sense of potential anger and grammar Nazism...

Anyway yes, Cat and I have been friends for almost 7 years now.

We met properly in year 10 but we knew each other through friends of friends even before that.

Quickly finding that we shared a passion for music and a hatred for all things incorrect or generally produced with bad grammar, we became almost inseparable.

I'm sure that not all friends could claim, 'Samba bought us together...' but it's true.

Yes Mr. Kier introduced our year 10 brains to the world of samba baterio or 'percussive samba' and good God, if minds could explode and drip out of ears onto their respective shoulders, I'm sure ours would have done. Samba took up a lot of our talking time and we would eagerly await the week's next music lesson in which we would be able to smash the ever loving shite out of the samba instruments once more.

Our music trip to Venice all the way back in 2007 and the 30 hour coach trip to get there was amazing. 

We quickly formed a group of about 6 or 7 and spent our free time wandering the narrow streets and alleys and feeding the local pigeons in St.Marks Square. I can honestly say, being in Venice (which I still hold is one of the best places I have ever visited in my life) with my friends, playing music and eating real Italian pizza is one of the best things I have ever done with my life to date.

Year 10 was also the year in which we became prefects. In year 11, both Cat and myself, along with a select few fellow brown nosers, became senior prefects and were charged with stalking the halls and shouting at small children. One memory in particular is fresh in my mind..."fresh as a bagel from momma's oven" in the words of Howard Moon.

We were passing through the science corridor and found Mr.Baylis's door open a crack. Peering in to say hello, we spotted a van de graff generator sitting upon the table. Beckoning us in, he explained that he was due to use it next period.

Piping up like the good friend she is, Cat excitedly asked Mr. Baylis to shock me using the generator. So, not wanting to miss out on providing amusement for my fellow human beings, I reluctantly placed my hands onto the shiny chrome dome and waited. My hair began to stand on end as the static electricity surged through me. One touch with the connecting rod would discharge the electricity through my body and shock me. Hard.

Thinking it could not possibly get any worse and feeling my palms start to sweat slightly as I wondered what I had gotten myself into, Cat once more piped up with, 'SHOCK HIS NIPPLES SIR! SHOCK HIS NIPPLES!' Mr. Baylis, smiling slightly refused on the grounds that surely I could have him arrested for abusing a student so he offered the rod to Cat. Suddenly feeling a lot more panicked at the thought of my fate lying in the hands of Cat Mitchell, I began to protest.

Eventually, Cat, refusing to carry out her initial threat discharged the electricity through my hands and sent me sprawling to the floor where I lay crippled for some time. 

Just after this, we left and found a fellow prefect (who we both disliked and who shall remain nameless at this moment in time) had not turned up to his 'post' and so we both took much pleasure dobbing him in to our head of year. At which point we both high fived, safe in the knowledge that we had won our 'war' against him.

Throughout the years I've known Cat, boyfriends and girlfriends alike have come and gone and we have both spent time on the phone to one another after each break up just making the other feel better by telling jokes or generally just talking about how we feel. I have always felt that whatever news I have, good or bad, I can always talk to Cat.

I have to be honest, I could go on and on about our joint anecdotes but that would take forever...

I shall therefore end with a story that happened not too long ago...

While out for my birthday (I believe), my girlfriend and I were walking to meet a group of others (Cat being one of them) at a designated point in our local town. After meeting up with everyone and after a great deal of handshaking and hugging, black slapping and chatting, whilst on our way to the pub, an already very inebriated Cat looked sheepishly up at me and simply claimed, "...I pissed on the Disney store..."

I shall say no more. (Actually to be honest, I don't know if this is at all true...I mean I'm just going off of what she said and most of the time that's complete balls but maybe this one time she was telling the truth? You decide.)

I'll end this now as as I say, this could go on indefinately.

Hope you enjoyed reading it and enjoyed the break from the regular rants. Don't worry though, there's more coming...just you wait. Oh yes...

Anyway, yes the point of all this was just to draw attention to the fact that we occasionally seem to take our friends for granted. We seem to text to say hello and will meet up and catch up but I just wanted to make the point that friends deserve recognition for the ways in which they make us smile and laugh. The way they cheer us up when down and the way that they always seem to know what we are going to say. We should cherish them from time to time. So here's number one of the blogs that will pick up how important my friends are to me.

Whatever happens, I'm sure Cat and I will go on correcting bad grammar and spelling for many many years yet to come. She is my partner in crime, a fellow 'Sambista' and kind of like an amusing little sister.

Raise your brew,

Cat, this tea is for you. 

Cheers. 

Chutneys and Oddities #2 'Equalitea' For Hot Beverages?

I've always had issues with equality.

I mean, 'I have a dream' was just ground-breaking. Really inspirational stuff.
 Segregation in the 50's and 60's was awful by today's standards and it really makes you wonder how one group of people can completely cut off another from the things that both groups should be freely entitled to. Regardless of skin colour or sex.

Now with this in mind, the other day I found myself (as always) pondering upon the quirky way in which the English language is construed as the following question dawned upon me; rather like the stone tablet thing in 2001: A Space Odyssey:

Why is it 'tea-room' but 'coffee-house'?

Shouldn't we, as the equality loving, "freedom for all" people of the 21st century that we are, be providing equal space for our hot beverages?

I mean I like coffee don't get me wrong but tea is much nicer. Come on admit it...
I work in one of these coffee houses (but to be honest it's more of a restaurant / bar / coffee house, not just a coffee house so I don't feel too bad) and the amount of cappuccinos I make could perk Keith Richards up from a drunken stupor faster than a middle aged woman with a complex who's just heard that Tesco have started giving away free botox and chihuahuas.

 However, the sale of tea is still common. Whether chai, fruit, herbal or just good old normal English tea, (that's another thing...English? Really? In colonial times we enslaved an entire continent to ensure our supply of tea leaves and the last time I checked, we couldn't grow tea in England...but I digress) you can't deny, if push came to shove and the great English people had to rid this small isle of either tea OR coffee, coffee would, without a doubt, bite the proverbial dust.

So, why aren't we allowing our most beloved beverage an equal space with this south American usurper?
Let's start to see the emergence of the first of many tea houses and maybe even one or two coffee rooms.

Drink up guys. Raise the mug to the proper English brew.
Cheers!
Rob out.

Chutneys and Oddities #1 'Are "of" and "have" interchangable?'

It's recently come to my attention that people have begun to use the preposition 'of' when actually meaning the verb 'have'.
For example, 'Oh Andy, why did you stab that badger? You could of just let it go instead!'

Do you mean 'you could have let it go?'

Yes.

Yes you do.

This is fair enough in verbal conversation because obviously with common parlance, phonetically 'of' and the end of have 've' sound very similar.

I'm not suggesting that everyone use the Queen's English here (although let's be honest, it is GODS language so why not use it? The Bible is in English so therefore God is English too...Plus, like Al Murray says, England is fairly calm and peaceful. You don't have earthquakes or many active volcanoes spewing lava everywhere, killing English people...You don't shit on your own doorstep do you?)

Anyway, yes, I have even noticed this gargantuan fuck up in print now. Honestly...

In George R.R. Martin's 'Clash of Kings' nonetheless! (can't remember which page but trust me, it's in there)

Now, again, in verbal exchange, fine. I'll even except it splashed across a wall in hastily scrawled graffiti,
 although no doubt sprayed by a drugged up junkie, itching to get his next hit of smack off his dealer 'Drug dealer Derric' but in a properly  published work of fiction? Unacceptable.

Come on Martin you beardy legend.

This is unacceptable people!

Let's prevent further bastardisation of the English language like this in print.

I imagine now if you don't know me, you expect me to be sat behind my marble desk with my tie done up to eleven, sipping my hazelnut and gingerbread soya-milk latte (bought from a properly franchised coffee outlet
), clicking my fingers to Crowded House and feeling very smug about my observation.

Actually I'm drinking value tea from Morrison's out of a huge Avengers mug but that's beside the point... Actually I'm a rather poor student who doesn't think he's cool or cutting edge or even that this will be read by many (if any) people.

No. I just want to point out the things that really grind my gears. (So all you Guardian readers can back off.)

Expect more Hegelian streams of consciousness soon.

Enjoy the rest of your day. Thank you for reading,